The Menu

One appetizer, two entrees, 20 dollars...

Yeah, so, you get to share one appetizer and pick two entrees for only 20 dollars...

I'm sorry I should have said starter, I didn't mean to confuse you...

Correct, so then, it's one starter and two entrees....

An entree is your meal...

Yes, exactly, and then you pay 20 dollars...

You know, I can only explain the same damn thing in so many different ways before I want to start stabbing you with my pen. I know small children that can read and speak better than half my clientele . The menus are not written to deceive you.

I know this is mean, but whenever my guest asks a stupid question I always make a point to open their menu and POINT to the answer. Well lets see here...turn to page 2...right down there at the bottom...the Ribeye--it's 12oz. And then I point to "12oz." with my pen as if I'm a teacher educating a poor, deranged, hopeless child.

It's tough love.

Although I don't feel too bad because the answers to all your questions are inside of that rectangular, 3 page, informational guide right in front of you. It's the closest most of my clientele will probably ever get to reading a book so I encourage them to at least skim through it. Pretend that they're smart. Pretend like they have at least an elementary school education.

I want to like them. I really do. But they're hopeless, and I'm not Hilary Swank, and this restaurant is not a classroom, and this is not a scene from "Freedom Writers." I do not believe in a successful future for them and i just want them to leave. Immediately. Decide to go eat at one of the many restaurants within walking distance from the one you're at.

As much as I wish most of my hours at work were not real life because it is discouraging--they are, and sometimes it's depressing and seems unfair. But I would much rather have my life than theirs because they don't know what "appetizer" means or know how to read. Truly unfortunate.